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Anniversary

30 Mar

The_Dark_Window

Perhaps this is it.

That point when I stay my hand.  When I no longer search for romance amongst the shadows, or seek desire between the written, yearning lines of almost-strangers, or look for submissive hunger upon their public, intimate pages.

When I no longer respond to those who would wish to follow my dark, certain, velvet religion.

That point where my gentle-yet-deternined predatory self curls up into endless sleep.

It has been a year to the day since I opened this fresh notebook.

Before it began I had endured pain, but I was full of hope.  I had suffered sorrow, but my heart held joy, I had lost in love but my soul was open.

I was perhaps a better man than I am now.

Since that bright March morning I have entered into a string of untidy, foolish, honest-yet-doomed distance D/s relationships that started star-bright but lost themselves in a wilderness of stretched geographies, different lives and indifferent moments.

I have despised myself for countless reasons.

I desired and was desired corporeally in a maelstrom of a summer that was luscious and heady with sex, skin on skin, and sad, tender goodbyes. Lovers forever gone.

And now I have been broken all the way down by this endless, grey, miserable, English fucking winter that has turned my soul to bitter ice.

Perhaps this is it.

On this windy, snow-flurried, chilly, wretched anniversary.

It is time to stop.

And begin all over again.

.

.

© the author writing as Romantic Dominant

Photo stolen from tyt2000

 
62 Comments

Posted by on March 30, 2013 in Still Life

 

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

62 responses to “Anniversary

  1. LuciL

    March 30, 2013 at 2:07 pm

    Don’t give up sir :/ You’ll find someone to treasure you with absolute loyalty and love. She’s out there for you ^^

    Like

     
  2. The Green Eyed Geisha

    March 30, 2013 at 2:07 pm

    Question is … will you share your new beginnings with us? 🙂

    Like

     
  3. Penelope Jones

    March 30, 2013 at 2:13 pm

    Everything about this post made me sad…even the new beginning. -snuggles you in that blanket you once wrapped me in- Love is a complicated thing, then you throw in relationships, marriage, and what-not and you have mayhem, Sir. -winks- Or life is what I like to call it! 🙂

    Like

     
  4. sometimes

    March 30, 2013 at 2:20 pm

    Vulnerable, honest, real. It seems wrong to say that I love this piece of writing, but I do. These are the works that linger…raw human relatable emotion. I have days like this, although with slightly different detail. Thank you for sharing this.

    Like

     
    • Romantic Dominant

      April 5, 2013 at 6:46 pm

      And thank you for your empathetic comment

      Like

       
      • sometimes

        April 5, 2013 at 6:58 pm

        Nice to hear from you. I have to admit I was slightly worried and missed your writings. But I understand the need for change and new beginnings. Impermanence can be a bitch can’t it? Anyway, good to hear from you.

        Like

         
  5. mlbk7

    March 30, 2013 at 2:55 pm

    A beautiful Hallelujah! I can hear Leonard Cohen’s voice in the background singing one of the long versions of Hallelujah;
    “baby I’ve been here before
    I know this room, I’ve walked this floor
    I used to live alone before I knew you
    I’ve seen your flag on the marble arch
    love is not a victory march
    it’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah”
    http://www.leonardcohenforum.com/viewtopic.php?t=10876

    Like

     
  6. Joseph McNamara

    March 30, 2013 at 2:57 pm

    You are at least with some consolation in that you can begin again.

    There are many who, having traveled a similar path, found it so insurmountable that they left this humble place called earth and were never afforded the chance to begin again.

    As the gloom of a drawn out and horrific UK Winter turns to a Spring of new beginnings, may “your life” spring forward to a renewed hope in your prose, your sense of purpose and your being my friend.

    Like

     
  7. gailsworld

    March 30, 2013 at 3:21 pm

    The last of the snow is now melting; the bird migrations have started. Everywhere there is renewal – that is the way that nature works. Be a spectator if you will; that is your prerogative. Life is too short, the rewards are high – rise above self-pity and enjoy what is on offer. Find someone to inspire you, a soul to connect with – not all relationships need be physical.

    But who am I to lecture you? You are the Dom, you have control – use that gift with which you were made.

    Like

     
    • Romantic Dominant

      April 5, 2013 at 6:48 pm

      There is much I can control, but not the muse. Thank you for commenting. Appreciated.

      Like

       
  8. carolinejuliette

    March 30, 2013 at 3:44 pm

    I love this mostly because everyone feels this way at some point. Taking stock in their live & moving forward or going back. I hope as you move forward you take us with you. I only just found you but I’ve so enjoyed your words. Thank you for sharing, always.

    Like

     
  9. hotlilmess

    March 30, 2013 at 3:47 pm

    i can’t like this. sorry. the thought of you leaving saddens me. Dom’s don’t give up, strong confident men teach and bring out the best in others.

    Like

     
    • Romantic Dominant

      April 5, 2013 at 6:50 pm

      Indeed. But much of my torpor, my ennui, my boredom, my frustration, lies in the lack of words. Being a Dom makes no difference,

      Like

       
  10. hotlilmess

    March 30, 2013 at 3:48 pm

    i will apologize publicly for my selfishness. Sir, i do hope you see it as a compliment.

    Like

     
  11. vishalbheeroo

    March 30, 2013 at 4:02 pm

    One should always be positive and believe in a bright, sunny tomorrow. Never give up.
    Vishal

    Like

     
  12. copiousveracity

    March 30, 2013 at 6:35 pm

    Even your cold words are warm to the touch.

    Bundle up.

    Like

     
  13. emmylgant

    March 30, 2013 at 8:00 pm

    Tired soul. It will pass with sunshine ad warmth on your skin. Give yourself time to thaw out. Smiles. And you can still hammer out those great “ternaire” (sorry I don’t know the english word. It has to do with the tempo) sentences that balance just so and leaves the reader enthralled.

    Like

     
    • Romantic Dominant

      April 5, 2013 at 6:52 pm

      Thank you, mon amie, as always. And yet there is nothing to write of, nothing that inspires me to lift my pen (tap the keyboard)

      Like

       
      • emmylgant

        April 5, 2013 at 7:02 pm

        I understand but it is kind of scary, because you like writing and do it superbly. Hmm…Your muse is gone some place where it is warm perhaps. Smile.

        Like

         
  14. mybhumi

    March 30, 2013 at 11:48 pm

    perfectly okay to feel that way; You’re not bad, you’re just human. There’s no morality in anything, stay true to your emotions, stay as you are n never despise yourself. We all know this inside, we just need reminders from time to time. Best to you.

    Like

     
  15. amelthalt

    March 31, 2013 at 11:52 am

    Damn!…… Don’t go……(?!)

    Like

     
    • Romantic Dominant

      April 5, 2013 at 9:40 pm

      I haven’t gone. But have nothing to say.

      Like

       
      • amelthalt

        April 6, 2013 at 2:58 am

        Oh. Sigh. I hope you keep your blog on so I can visit and read from time to time. I guess it is important to stop when you feel you need to. Actually not ‘I guess’, it really is important. Much respect to your decision. With love, Blinks x

        Like

         
  16. thesacredroad

    March 31, 2013 at 2:47 pm

    It is at the bottom when crack, shatter incapable of putting back what was but instead creating something far greater. you are not alone. hope. even just a sliver can move mountains. X

    Like

     
  17. Author_4_U

    March 31, 2013 at 5:54 pm

    I would be honored to have you follow my new BDSM blog at http://suitedslave.wordpress.com/
    I look forward to it, you are such a breath of fresh air to the community…

    Like

     
  18. spellboundby

    April 2, 2013 at 3:53 am

    You words full of sorrow, hope, passion, desire, yearning and despair reminded me of… me before, after and now. Such a bundle of emotion that gave birth to serendipity… had to go to extreme to let my soul die to be reborn…I haven’t forgotten … I simply had to learn to get along without Him… we are reminded endlessly that after all, we are humans.

    Like

     
  19. Heartafire

    April 2, 2013 at 6:00 am

    heaven forbid I should be a negative influence Mr. D, but I must beg…sleep on it.

    Like

     
  20. Heartafire

    April 2, 2013 at 6:01 am

    Reblogged this on Heartafire's Blog.

    Like

     
  21. hotlilmess

    April 2, 2013 at 7:34 pm

    Anniversaries are overrated,always have been. Fact.

    Like

     
  22. janineyork

    April 3, 2013 at 4:29 am

    NO please do not. I look for your words first when I come to wordpress. Your writing is amazing, heartfelt, real, poetic, sultry, seductive, captures emotions perfectly and creates new ones that I didn’t know I could feel. Please do not.

    Like

     
    • Romantic Dominant

      April 5, 2013 at 9:44 pm

      I have responded earlier in the same way. I have no inspiration to write.

      Like

       
  23. butterflyx3

    April 3, 2013 at 5:52 am

    I’m sad to read such words… I hope one day soon, you will return, you shall be missed until then.

    Like

     
  24. Baby

    April 5, 2013 at 9:14 pm

    I think it is time too xo

    Like

     
    • Romantic Dominant

      April 5, 2013 at 9:48 pm

      Smiles.

      Like

       
    • Baby

      April 5, 2013 at 9:49 pm

      and although you think it is overrated, I hope tomorrow is a good, happy day for you. I’ll check the weather in England.

      Like

       

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