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On Pornography

20 Jan

An Imperfect Past II

I have never quite understood visual pornography.

Images, moving or otherwise, of the coupling and diverse sexual activity of complete strangers has no power to excite me. Explicit photographic captures of unknown naked women do not arouse me.

Perhaps it is because I have no interest in the bodies of people who I do not know.  Without context, without character, without motivation, without history, without true desire, without an understanding of the intelligence and sensitivity and emotions of another, what value is there in an artlessly over-exposed exterior? What pleasure is there in another’s random fuck?

It could be argued that at times I have created my own very private pornography, capturing the image of submissive lovers on film and video.  Or having them create such images for me.  But the erotic power is in the whole, in the person, in the circumstances, in the relationship, in the passion, in the intimacy, and in the romance.  It is because of who they are and what they mean to me that inspires and thrills me. It is what we both felt before, during and after. Their body, their soul, and the moment are one.

It is a far cry from that which, for me, stimulates no more than a yawn and a mild sense of perplexity.

.

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© the author writing as Romantic Dominant

Art by Jack Vettriano

 
39 Comments

Posted by on January 20, 2013 in Still Life

 

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39 responses to “On Pornography

  1. pivoine68

    January 20, 2013 at 12:40 pm

    I really like erotic photography. Pornography for the most part does nothing for me either. The sounds are horrible.

    Bises,
    Dawn

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    • Romantic Dominant

      January 20, 2013 at 3:11 pm

      Smiles. There is a huge discussion to be had about when does erotic photography become art. I suppose I am making an arbitrary decision on what is a pornographic image and what is art. For me it comes down to what I personally find beautiful.

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  2. foxxiecinnamon

    January 20, 2013 at 12:47 pm

    Interesting blog ! Never met someone who can’t find pleasure in porn though ! How do you find pleasure in reading a book, listening to an album of music or watching a motion picture?

    These are all art forms where we are disconnected from the body, the person, the relationship and the circumstances in which they are produced. How can porn be any different? I understand that the act in person can be more enjoyable – however, I would also pose that I have had a better time watching good porn than some bad sex I’ve had !

    I also get pleasure from reading others work rather than just my own or the work of those immediately around me; just as I enjoy viewing peoples photographs of places and people I’ll probably never meet or see.

    I don’t think it’s a black and white case of the immediate and the tangible always being necessarily the greater experience. Moving images do excite me, move me and affect more than most of everyday life.

    Tarantino is often quoted as saying film is more important than real life and a lot of the time I would agree with him !

    🙂

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    • Romantic Dominant

      January 20, 2013 at 3:07 pm

      Ah, so porn is an art form? Smiling.
      Of course I am deeply affected by music, art, and film. And I admire beauty in all its forms – some of them quite bizarre in some people’s eyes. But all of them do have context. Most pornography has no context, no characterisation, and no plot and celebrates only variations on a bodily function. And quite honestly, it does it usually pretty unimaginatively and badly. For me, there is no beauty in it. No joy. No romance. And limited purpose.
      I have to say that as much as I love Tarantino’s work, that quote does not stand up to any examination at all!
      Yet we are all different. And I am not saying it is wrong to love pornography. Only that I cannot understand it.

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    • pivoine68

      January 20, 2013 at 3:39 pm

      I love GIF images on Tumblr…I suppose that they are pornographic but they are brief enough and often beautiful enough to be enthralling to me. I agree with Faded though, watching people fucking does not stir me up much. (usually!) Maybe watching myself…. 🙂

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      • Romantic Dominant

        January 20, 2013 at 4:11 pm

        I have never seen them.

        I have watched myself. It is instructive, and I found myself studying the effect of my actions on the other person.

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        • pivoine68

          January 20, 2013 at 5:24 pm

          I think I would like that. To see myself like that.

          (I’m getting so good at linking…maybe I can hook you up with a lovely GIF image to see how you like it. Or not.)

          😉

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          • Romantic Dominant

            January 20, 2013 at 5:46 pm

            Umm. It is a kind thought, but I think I can probably survive without.
            But thank you. I appreciate it.

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  3. Isabella

    January 20, 2013 at 1:23 pm

    I’ve met several people who arent interested in porn…nude pictures…erotic or otherwise. If I am watching porn….my mind is on auto pilot…imigination stirs to life…as I think about whether or not I’d like to mimic the act. I find beaty in erotic nudity…but to say the actual photography turns me on…would be far and few in between. But associating it to someone..or something done previously…Now that…that may turn me on.

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    • Romantic Dominant

      January 20, 2013 at 3:13 pm

      I was most careful to use the words graphic and explicit – see also comment to Dawn.
      Yes, I can see what you are saying.

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  4. sharronkelley

    January 20, 2013 at 1:53 pm

    I can understand your sentiment. While the physical act is of course exciting….it is the connection I felt, the person with whom I felt it, and what I felt in myself that has been the real “thrill.” I have found myself aroused by what I read in a book…but again, I think it is because of the story and connection between the two characters that has motivated it.

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    • Romantic Dominant

      January 20, 2013 at 3:15 pm

      I was specifically writing about visual pornography which seems, in the main, to believe that the image is everything.

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  5. kp

    January 20, 2013 at 3:04 pm

    I am not a big fan of porn, although it has served it’s purpose with me on more than a few occasions. I have to be able to relate it to someone or something real though. For instance, now that I have been with another woman, I am better able to appreciate lesbian porn.

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    • Romantic Dominant

      January 20, 2013 at 3:17 pm

      Perhaps if porn is simply to stimulate memory, then it serves a purpose. I may be fortunate to have such an accessible store of memories in my head. Smiles.

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  6. Agatha-luise

    January 20, 2013 at 3:05 pm

    I suppose taste for pornography varies from one person to another. There are days when I remember looking at men’s penises and wonder what some women find arousing in them. There are days when I look at women’s breasts and sex, and wonder what men find amazing in them. Somedays, I question why one pleasures him or herself through a stranger’s photo. Other days, I find myself aroused and imagine myself being fucked into pieces. I only started watching porn a few months ago, but I have to admit that I enjoy touching myself and imagining that it is me who is being played with and fucked hard (not necessarily with the stranger on film, but with the person I fantasize doing it with). Perhaps that’s how porn works… It only becomes effective, and we only become aroused when we try to connect it with the familiar.

    Agreeing with everything that you said above!

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    • Romantic Dominant

      January 20, 2013 at 3:20 pm

      Hello Luise. Yes. That connection with something in our own sexual context might explain the need for porn. But why then is it all so uniformly unappetising. It is like porn is stuck at KFC rather than aspiring to Michelin starred.

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      • Agatha-luise

        January 20, 2013 at 3:35 pm

        Perhaps, porn like all art, exists at all levels. Poor porn exists to satisfy those with fast food taste, while other erotic art exists to satisfy an aristocratic hunger.

        On your post, I’d like to think that you find it appetizing because it is not like the others. As you have mentioned, it is for your own private consumption. That is something special. Now who wouldn’t love porn dedicated to someone?

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        • Romantic Dominant

          January 20, 2013 at 4:07 pm

          You may be right. And I hate fast food.

          And you are certainly right. Personalised porn is perfect.

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  7. mlbk7

    January 20, 2013 at 3:21 pm

    RD….I have a homemade video clip you might like. It might even change your life. :O UMF!

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    • Romantic Dominant

      January 20, 2013 at 3:26 pm

      Laughing. But there is the problem. I don’t really ‘know you’, the context of the clip, or what provoked it. And the Dom in me only wants what was specifically created for him. But thank you!
      PS What on earth does UMF mean?

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      • mlbk7

        January 20, 2013 at 3:53 pm

        UMF! It describes a delightful sensual emotion for which there are no words to express the particular pleasure in regards to achieving the highest moment of erotic ecstasy; a nice word for release, ejaculation, cum, blown, finished, get off, and thank you baby you were wonderful. xo

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  8. D

    January 21, 2013 at 1:56 am

    I couldn’t agree more.

    I also think that you see that most mainstream, white, western porn is quite misogynistic. For a man who loves women, this should be abhorrent.

    The images you display here are erotic, not least because they leave so much to the imagination. Porn does not; as such, it suits only those who are lazy or intellectually dim. Such men do not interest me at all.

    You know too well that I’m not one of your many fawning, would-be concubines, but I do thank you for affirming my dearly-held hope that not all men are the same in this regard. Thank you.

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    • Romantic Dominant

      January 21, 2013 at 8:42 am

      I could not agree more. Sex begins in the mind. And should be filled with creativity and imagination. Not cliched mechanics.

      Thou I disagree with your comment about ‘many fawning would-be concubines’. Ah, if only there were.

      Smiles

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  9. Annasarayna

    January 23, 2013 at 10:36 pm

    Stumbled on this and just had to add my two cents since it’s a discussion I’ve had with male friends repeatedly. I find pornography to be vacuous and disconnected for reasons similar to those you outlined. It feels like an intrusion of sorts – one that does not bring me pleasure but leaves me feeling dissatisfied. I suppose it does serve a purpose though, as porn often leaves me longing for the intimacy missing from it – not random, mindless fucking but pleasure derived from love-making with history and connectedness. My response to porn is often – “why watch when I can do (so much better)?”

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    • Romantic Dominant

      January 23, 2013 at 10:40 pm

      Precisely.

      Though when I have watched it I have found that it has so little relationship to the intimate reality of sex – especially D/s – that is seems to have no sexual relevance at all.

      Thank you for reading and commenting

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  10. Claire Phelan

    January 28, 2013 at 4:21 pm

    While traditionally, men are talked about as the more visually-minded when it comes to arousal, studies in recent years have illustrated that this often has much to do with how women REPORT their arousal. These reports unsurprisingly have been put down to much shaping by social constructs and ideas of what is appropriate by gender, for arousal and its causes.
    (Which is not to say women are lying so much as human experiences are often shaped from a young age, and our minds AND bodily experiences are molded to fit certain expectations. Tradition, for example, also tells us it takes on average a longer amount of time for the typical woman to become aroused than the typical man. There is actually no statistically significant difference determined by sex- it takes on average 10 minutes for the average human to become fully aroused.)

    Humans in general can differ as to what major category of stimuli is most likely to arouse them, and to what degree, and this is not in fact decided according to sex. Additionally, the effects of certain erotic stimuli can be very much altered by the *environment* in which they are occurring. Which reflects some of the above statements about how Western visual pornography doesn’t fulfill certain requirements (if your ideal sex life does not include blonde women with fake nails and large, fake breasts and surgically-altered labia, you might be outta luck)- you could be typically aroused visually, but the porn available to you/us generally/easily does not provide the correct environmental factors for that to rule overall as your most likely source of arousal stimuli.

    Interesting.

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    • Romantic Dominant

      January 28, 2013 at 10:12 pm

      Thank you for you intelligent and informed comment. I’m not sure that there is much I can add. Except that for me sex, and consequentially sexual imagery is personal and is in the context of a specific individual. Pornography invariable is not.

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      • Claire Phelan

        January 28, 2013 at 11:43 pm

        Is it invariable? What if it was visual pornography that centered around an individual you knew well and were intimately involved with?

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        • Romantic Dominant

          January 28, 2013 at 11:53 pm

          Ah. But then I have covered that in my post. I have created my own personal pornography with lovers and/or they have created it for me. It is the only way it works for me. That direct intimacy. If they were involved in pornography with another then their body would have no currency and I would not be aroused.

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          • Claire Phelan

            January 28, 2013 at 11:59 pm

            That’s what I was wondering- if it was visual pornography that featured a lover with another partner. Also interesting.

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            • Romantic Dominant

              January 29, 2013 at 12:48 pm

              I think, but don’t know, that intimacy, control, sensuality and connection are far greater stimulus than the more obvious physical sexual representations.
              Interesting in a strange way?

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  11. Mandy the Quiet (@69quietgirl)

    June 9, 2013 at 10:46 pm

    Porn does very little for me, either. For example, I find “Page 3” of The Sun merely silly, and I’m not particularly interested in watching sex for the sake of it – although I don’t judge those who do. We’re all different, after all! I’d rather be with someone I knew and loved. Failing that, I’d rather read an erotic story, and create pictures in my own mind.

    Sometimes, it isn’t the “obvious” that turns one on – it can be a painting, a stimulating conversation, a lovely meal, the way someone looks at you, plays with their hair – whatever. It can be, for me, far more erotic than random naked bodies of people I don’t even know!

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    • Romantic Dominant

      June 10, 2013 at 5:51 am

      Indeed. And yet it seems to absorb so many. Thank you for reading and commenting. Appreciated.

      Like

       

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