Life without her is easier.
He no longer needs to examine his shirts for crimson lipstick smudges or lingering traces of perfume. Or for her body’s delicious scent. He does not have to set his phone to soundlessly vibrate in case she texts. He knows that every date in his calendar is honest and justified. He has no need to disappear into his study to answer her needy mail. Or lower his voice when he bravely and hungrily calls her from the house.
There are no longer any secrets that might become unravelled. No chance sightings to somehow explain. No confusions over time and places and moments shared. No tell-tale receipts in his wallet. Or marks on his skin.
The heavy burden of guilt that he has carried without realising it has lifted from his shoulders and left him feeling light and free. He thinks he has become a better man. The stone in his heart has been rolled away.
There is something to be said for not committing adultery.
.
.
Painting : The Temptress by Jack Vettriano
A Faded Romantic's Notebook 
Charmaine151
September 6, 2012 at 7:25 pm
Hmm…but you had to commit it to find that out. Someone else’s experience of adultery and the after effects does not take the curiosity away from the uninitiated. I wish it did.
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Romantic Dominant
September 7, 2012 at 7:50 am
That is true. I cannot say that I regret it, because there has been extraordinary joy over the years. But I have hardly covered myself in glory. And I have betrayed that which I love.
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Elizabeth
September 6, 2012 at 7:32 pm
This is soul piercing, RD.
Hurts to read, and to remember.
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Romantic Dominant
September 7, 2012 at 7:51 am
Yes. There is nothing easy about any of it.
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Isabella
September 6, 2012 at 9:52 pm
Hmmmm….food for thought as they say.
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Romantic Dominant
September 7, 2012 at 7:53 am
A simple life.
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Isabella
September 8, 2012 at 2:52 am
*smiles*Someday
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mlbk7
September 6, 2012 at 11:58 pm
May you can learn to knit instead.
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Romantic Dominant
September 7, 2012 at 7:53 am
I thought stamp collecting
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mybhumi
September 7, 2012 at 9:57 pm
ha ha…sounds a lot more relieving than dealing with these mind/heart games.
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Romantic Dominant
September 8, 2012 at 9:47 am
Ummm. Actually it doesn’t. I tried it as a child. In the days before I discovered that fellatio was far more fun than philately.
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mybhumi
September 8, 2012 at 1:30 pm
🙂 but the former is consistent where as the latter may be great for a bit, but then it’ll leave you in the dumps afterwards. It all depends I guess, do you want consistency, or the exciting highs and lows? Because u can’t have both it seems! We can either trail after passion, or be boring as hell. I guess we decide that based on how safe we wanna be!
You’ve had your shares of the highs and lows, at this point in your life it might be best to resume with stamp collecting. But again, only you’d know if you think you’re ready. If i was getting old, I’d certainly consider it 🙂
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Romantic Dominant
September 9, 2012 at 5:03 pm
If you were getting old you would know that the prospect of ‘stamp collecting’ is a bleak one that fills you with fear and sorrow in equal measure. I am faded, but not THAT faded. It is perhaps that I am tired of hurting others – and myself – playing my favourite game.
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mybhumi
September 7, 2012 at 12:47 am
so the answer is to not have affairs; just avoid that path? Does it work, even while you have all your colors and you’re not faded yet? Or do you just let yourself fade, and become much happier of a person. This is so confusing.
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Romantic Dominant
September 7, 2012 at 7:54 am
You think it is confusing? How do you think I feel?
Smiles
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magcarpenter
September 7, 2012 at 5:37 am
D – I’m smiling and send you a huge hug.
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Romantic Dominant
September 7, 2012 at 7:54 am
Thank you
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silvienoire
September 7, 2012 at 9:25 am
can love and selfishness co exist?
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Romantic Dominant
September 7, 2012 at 12:37 pm
Sadly love is often selfish
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silvienoire
September 7, 2012 at 8:41 pm
i ll keep that in mind 🙂
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pivoine68
September 7, 2012 at 3:27 pm
Funny how blogging provokes coincidence at times. Like being tripped I’d say. Thanks.
Bisous,
Dawn
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Romantic Dominant
September 8, 2012 at 9:48 am
Coincidence?
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Daydreamer
September 7, 2012 at 5:00 pm
Superbly written!
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Romantic Dominant
September 8, 2012 at 9:49 am
Thank you.
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MysticalKitty
September 8, 2012 at 2:28 pm
How heavy would have been the burden of the bliss within love affairs with the blessing of the significant other?
Adultery is the other face of marriage institution. Just another institution…with rules and fines. As long as you are not caught…you are the perfect individual. And this applies for both…marriage and its other face.
Look around you and ask yourself, if marriage was blissful were there seekers of the dark side of the coin? Or just the “forbidden fruit” attraction speaks now. If we could eat the cake and having it in the same time…
Your tormented soul’s poetry is so delightful…and so challenging.
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Romantic Dominant
September 9, 2012 at 5:10 pm
Smiles. I have had much cake, and eaten it too. I have been blessed with an angel of a life partner whose one imperfection I used as an excuse for playing in the darkness. It is simply that I don’t know if I have the heart or the cruelty to do that anymore.
And yet the trouble is that, although Hamlet may have said ‘frailty they name is woman’ I think that if Shakespeare had known me he would have written ‘frailty thy name is Romantic Dominant’. I am still a slave to the scent of a woman.
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Amanda
September 10, 2012 at 7:24 pm
I echo all your words. Stopping brought contentment and appreciation.
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Romantic Dominant
September 10, 2012 at 9:31 pm
I am glad you have found peace. I hope I am on my way there.
Thank you for reading
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ladypandorah
September 10, 2012 at 8:17 pm
I don’t think I can ever recall reading the aftermath of an affair written in such an evocative fashion. Your writing here is so full of many emotions that the reader is caught up in the wake of what tumultuous storm you are still reeling from.
Being new to discovering your blog I can envisage reading back over your posts to see similar immersions.
Well wishes
LadyP x.
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Romantic Dominant
September 10, 2012 at 9:34 pm
It has been a storm, yes. One that has blown through my world – sometimes like a throng of wild decadent angels, sometimes like a brooding ugly beast, sometimes like I could not remember the time before. But it has passed, the rain has stopped falling, the sun is out and somewhere … somewhere .. there is a gorgeous rainbow.
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Robin Tysoe
November 29, 2012 at 9:48 pm
Hey, I enjoyed reading this. That’s my comment, just wanted to add to the adulation.
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Romantic Dominant
November 29, 2012 at 10:08 pm
Hardly adulation. But thank you for reading and commenting.
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Corey (@Danielle_74cb)
November 15, 2013 at 1:06 am
Have read…and think you are a tormented soul who fears…for in perfect love there is peace ..but fear has torments. Would you have invested and revealed your wifes inner desires you would have proved your manliness and found peace to calm your storms.
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Romantic Dominant
November 16, 2013 at 11:05 am
Perhaps. You assume I did not try. I did. And there was a responsibility on her part too.
We all have fears. Few of us are truly at peace.
And I do not seek to prove my manliness. I am who I am. Faults, weaknesses, and strengths.
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Edainme (@EdainmeLindale)
July 30, 2014 at 2:40 am
We all have fears.
We all have needs.
We all have strengths and weaknesses and hopes and dreams.
And, one blessed thing, we all have promise…within the promise we make to the one we love we can still find a contentment even among the yearnings….
So is the hope in my heart ~
I see this is an older post…I hope that your contentment and your rainbow has been found within the circle of that ring and that promise. Perhaps the fading allows for a softening of the lines that once brought division and can now allow for a unity and familiarity even as your true colours still burn brightly behind your eyes.
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Romantic Dominant
July 30, 2014 at 6:30 pm
Thank you for reading and commenting so beautifully. There is always compromise and never perfection.
But I am home
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Edainme (@EdainmeLindale)
July 30, 2014 at 7:48 pm
*soft smile and nod*
And home has its merit – every heart needs a home.
Welcome home.
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